A Different Place
Those of you who read my blog know that it has been quite awhile since I penned anything. There's a reason for that. Most people know me as a pretty carefree soul. Often flying by the seat of my pants. Always up for something fun and laughter is one of my favorite activities. Lately that hasn't been the case. Life has seemed heavy and full of a sadness I cannot lift. Anna, Josh, Charlee and Everett live with us at this time and I often say that the sound of Charlee coming up the steps yelling "Mimi, I'm coming…it's me Charlee Belle!" is the reason I raise my head off the pillow every morning. Lyric and Kora are here on a daily basis and Laura and Braden will bring Oliver into the world in May. Funny how the Lord KNOWS what you need to get by. The reason for this sadness creeps into every part of my being and at times is so overwhelming I find it hard to breath. Some of you are aware that my precious momma suffers from dementia. It is a cruel disease and no one on the face of the earth should have to live through it. But…millions are and do every day. My dad cares for my mom at their home. It is no small feat. He is 87 years old. SHE is the love of his life. He is very protective of her and will be so forever. The patience and love he exhibits is amazing. In the past few years of witnessing this disease that is stealing my momma's memories I have also been extremely blessed to see first hand how a godly marriage should be. Talk about sacrificial… My dad would hate that I used that word but I can think of no other better word to describe what I watch. He is so very careful to protect her honor and dignity. She is first in everything he does. EVERYTHING. He still looks at her with the love in his eyes of a 21 year old. He has loved her all of his life and HE is the most familiar thing left in HER life. During a visit I said to dad "Aren't you ever angry dad that THIS is how life is ending for you and momma?" He looked at me somewhat perplexed. His answer was humbling. "Lou, she is the love of my life and whatever our days are like…they are days that I get to spend with her. No, Lou I'm not mad. I am blessed. Honored to be allowed to love her like she loved me…sacrificially…all those years. There's no anger…just thankfulness." I wish I could say that I am to that point but I struggle with all of this. Bottom line…I miss my momma. She no longer knows me as her daughter. That doesn't stop me from treating her like my mom though…just makes the sadness heavier. I have been privileged in a strange way to be blessed by my father's actions towards my mom. For years I watched my mom take care of my dad as he provided for us. Don't get me wrong…it was always reciprocated by my dad but in a different way. His family has always been a priority when it came to providing for us. They had very traditional roles. Couldn't be more thankful for that. So as usual in my writings…I will ask the obvious. Where am I going with this? As a believer I am told in scripture to give thanks in all circumstances. I stink at that. In my mind I have always interpreted that as being "glad"for all things and to be totally honest "thankfulness" isn't what comes to mind for me when thinking about my momma. However, in recent months the Lord has been teaching me something new. (Imagine that.) He has taught me that in my darkest of days I CAN still praise Him. Does that mean I have to jump up and down and raise my hands in song or tell anyone who will listen that I'm thrilled to carry such a burden. NO. What it means is that He is meeting me in a different place as of late. He is meeting me in my sorrow when I cry out in sadness. He is carrying me to wonderful memories of a wonderful mom when all I can see is today. He allows years of wonderful good times to flood my mind and memory. When tears are all I have to offer His mercy wraps around me like a blanket and calms my spirit. He has drawn me to Him in this sadness. As Amy Grant's song says, our broken, desperate cries to Him are "better than a hallelujah sometimes." The Lord knows my sadness, my grief and my despair. I have never needed Him more than I do right now in my life. Thankfully He knows that too and has not left my side. What are you dealing with today? Are you afraid? Discouraged? Saddened? Brokenhearted? I personally fit all of those adjectives. And you know what? I'm ok with that. The Lord is ok with that. He has known since the beginning of time that my life would be what it is. He ordained it. I believe that with every fiber of my being. He also knows how I struggle to trust and lay this at His feet. For THAT I an also so very thankful for. HE. KNOWS. ME. In Deuteronomy 31:8 the Bible says this "The Lord himself goes BEFORE you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged." In the meantime I will continue to treasure the memories of days gone by. I will continue to be thankful for the momma the Lord saw fit to give me. I will continue to rest in His mercy. Without it…tomorrow doesn't matter. "Lord, thank You for the gift of my precious momma and dad. Thank You for the example of amazing love ordained by You that they have for each other. Thank You for allowing me to watch how you bless us even in our sadness, worry and despair. Thank You that You go before me. There is much to be thankful for Lord and today I will meet you in that different place and we'll talk. Just like we do everyday and You will calm my heart for you know me so well. Thank You Lord." And that's what I've learned along the way.
Saturday, January 11, 2014
Saturday, July 28, 2012
Kudzu kinda gal...
Recently a local pastor here in Louisville was filling in for our pastor. He preached a sermon out of Luke about the type of soil the Lord's word falls on. It was very good and really got me to thinking. Let me explain...
In Luke the 8th chapter Jesus tells the parable of the Sower. The seed of course is the Good News of Christ, the soil is our hearts. Todd (the pastor) had sort of named these hearts in a way that really made a lot of sense to me. Don't tell me I'm not the only one that has trouble relating to the wording in the Bible sometimes. Apparently I am more the norm and Todd has seen reason to name these in a more understandable way. So here is what he said: The 4 soils are this...1. A Hard Heart also known as a sidewalk heart..much like concrete, dangerous, unable to grow. NOT the heart you want to be stuck with. 2. A Rocky Heart also known as a CHIA (yes, the one you are thinking of) heart. Little roots that have no real foundation or depth. Pretty surface. 3. A Thorny Heart also known as a Kudzu heart. A heart that KNOWS God's word but allows the "stuff of life" to steal God's word. A life of distraction. and 4. A Ready Heart also known as a HEARTLAND HEART. Obviously THIS is the heart you want to have. It is good, ready, faithful and has results. So in a nutshell...the parable makes a lot more sense to me.
Upon listening to Todd's message it occurs to me that I am one if these hearts. I wish I could say that the Heartland Heart had my name written all over it...but alas I would be misleading everyone including myself. So I have to back up and look at the one blinking in BIG RED LETTERS. Sadly...I am a Kudzu heart through and through. You may not know what Kudzu is so let me explain. If you have ever driven through Georgia or Florida or any southern state you will see a viney looking plant that drapes all over trees and plants. It almost looks like a green blanket over everything. It eventually chokes the good growth out. It is everywhere and it's very hard to get rid of.
As I begin evaluating the condition of my heart my mind wanders to the past 3 or so years. I can name off one thing after another that has happened in our lives and in our family. I can go on and on about how this, that and another thing just steals away the time I need to spend with the Lord and I can justify those things...but I feel certain you would see right through me. You see what I have done is allowed the "things" of life to steal not only my joy but the opportunity to serve Him and others simple because I was "taking care of things". It's my job to take care of everybody and for the most part I do pretty well. My motto is "if there is no blood, no one hurt and everyone is still with us as the end of the day...THAT'S a good day."
I don't keep plants indoors for that very reason. I'm doing well to take care of humans. Or am I?
Before I reach around to pat myself on the back I take a closer look at what I really have done.
When overrun with the everyday cares of life I have chosen to look to myself and others instead of the Lord. I have taken credit for things He deserves credit for. I have failed to speak His name when it needed to be spoken...and the list goes on and on and on...
So, here is where I am right this very moment. I'm feeling the need to confess that I am faithless more times than not even tho I know the Word and the Good News. I have caused people to stumble when I am "attending" to everyday life. I have allowed the "stuff of life" to steal God's Word away. The VERY thing that sustains me, encourages me and gives me life I scoot to the back burner. The Lord has really convicted me of this revelation this week as once again the "stuff of life" has threatened to literally take over my thoughts, emotions and my commitment to the Lord. I ALLOW it to happen. It's a choice... MY choice. So once again READY HEART - good...KUDZU HEART - not so good.
I want a ready heart with all my heart. I'm tired of having "the stuff of life" drape all over everything to the point that I fail to see God's hand and grace and mercy. I want to truly trust that HE will take care of all that concerns me without any intervening from me. I want to look around and SEE with His eyes what needs to be done and who needs to be taken care of and most of all I want to be WILLING to do exactly what He calls me to do, not bargain my way around it but really do it. Whatever "it" is.
That brings me to my point. Are you one of these types of hearts? Can God count on you to bear fruit in His name? Are you thorny, hard or rocky? I challenge you to take time and read the parable and let the Lord SHOW you His rich soil that He is waiting to cultivate in your life. Are you willing? TODAY...I am willing. Tomorrow...well that "stuff of life" stuff will be knocking at my heart's door. Will I let it in and allow it to steal my joy in Him or will I be still and wait on Him. I guess I'll see tomorrow. Which by the way...HE holds it in HIS hands...not mine. And that's what I've learned along the way.
In Luke the 8th chapter Jesus tells the parable of the Sower. The seed of course is the Good News of Christ, the soil is our hearts. Todd (the pastor) had sort of named these hearts in a way that really made a lot of sense to me. Don't tell me I'm not the only one that has trouble relating to the wording in the Bible sometimes. Apparently I am more the norm and Todd has seen reason to name these in a more understandable way. So here is what he said: The 4 soils are this...1. A Hard Heart also known as a sidewalk heart..much like concrete, dangerous, unable to grow. NOT the heart you want to be stuck with. 2. A Rocky Heart also known as a CHIA (yes, the one you are thinking of) heart. Little roots that have no real foundation or depth. Pretty surface. 3. A Thorny Heart also known as a Kudzu heart. A heart that KNOWS God's word but allows the "stuff of life" to steal God's word. A life of distraction. and 4. A Ready Heart also known as a HEARTLAND HEART. Obviously THIS is the heart you want to have. It is good, ready, faithful and has results. So in a nutshell...the parable makes a lot more sense to me.
Upon listening to Todd's message it occurs to me that I am one if these hearts. I wish I could say that the Heartland Heart had my name written all over it...but alas I would be misleading everyone including myself. So I have to back up and look at the one blinking in BIG RED LETTERS. Sadly...I am a Kudzu heart through and through. You may not know what Kudzu is so let me explain. If you have ever driven through Georgia or Florida or any southern state you will see a viney looking plant that drapes all over trees and plants. It almost looks like a green blanket over everything. It eventually chokes the good growth out. It is everywhere and it's very hard to get rid of.
As I begin evaluating the condition of my heart my mind wanders to the past 3 or so years. I can name off one thing after another that has happened in our lives and in our family. I can go on and on about how this, that and another thing just steals away the time I need to spend with the Lord and I can justify those things...but I feel certain you would see right through me. You see what I have done is allowed the "things" of life to steal not only my joy but the opportunity to serve Him and others simple because I was "taking care of things". It's my job to take care of everybody and for the most part I do pretty well. My motto is "if there is no blood, no one hurt and everyone is still with us as the end of the day...THAT'S a good day."
I don't keep plants indoors for that very reason. I'm doing well to take care of humans. Or am I?
Before I reach around to pat myself on the back I take a closer look at what I really have done.
When overrun with the everyday cares of life I have chosen to look to myself and others instead of the Lord. I have taken credit for things He deserves credit for. I have failed to speak His name when it needed to be spoken...and the list goes on and on and on...
So, here is where I am right this very moment. I'm feeling the need to confess that I am faithless more times than not even tho I know the Word and the Good News. I have caused people to stumble when I am "attending" to everyday life. I have allowed the "stuff of life" to steal God's Word away. The VERY thing that sustains me, encourages me and gives me life I scoot to the back burner. The Lord has really convicted me of this revelation this week as once again the "stuff of life" has threatened to literally take over my thoughts, emotions and my commitment to the Lord. I ALLOW it to happen. It's a choice... MY choice. So once again READY HEART - good...KUDZU HEART - not so good.
I want a ready heart with all my heart. I'm tired of having "the stuff of life" drape all over everything to the point that I fail to see God's hand and grace and mercy. I want to truly trust that HE will take care of all that concerns me without any intervening from me. I want to look around and SEE with His eyes what needs to be done and who needs to be taken care of and most of all I want to be WILLING to do exactly what He calls me to do, not bargain my way around it but really do it. Whatever "it" is.
That brings me to my point. Are you one of these types of hearts? Can God count on you to bear fruit in His name? Are you thorny, hard or rocky? I challenge you to take time and read the parable and let the Lord SHOW you His rich soil that He is waiting to cultivate in your life. Are you willing? TODAY...I am willing. Tomorrow...well that "stuff of life" stuff will be knocking at my heart's door. Will I let it in and allow it to steal my joy in Him or will I be still and wait on Him. I guess I'll see tomorrow. Which by the way...HE holds it in HIS hands...not mine. And that's what I've learned along the way.
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
Waiting on Him
At this very moment I am sitting in a hospital room listening to Pauls Aunt Dorothy struggle to take a breath.She is at the end of her life journey. We have been here in this room since Friday waiting for Aunt Dorothy to pass. She hasn't done that yet so we still sit and wait. Paul has not wanted her to die alone and has spent nights here making sure she knew she was not alone. She is quite a lady with quite a story. As far as her story in my life I have come to respect,admire and love her deeply. Did I mention that I've only aquired "niece"status by marrying into it? She HAD to love all of her blood relatives because, you know they are her blood relatives. I had to earn a place In her heart. It helped that her late husband and I got along famously.He was a character and he was the love of her life. When he passed away unexpectedly she was devastated. She really struggled with being alone. We were transferred to Louisville shortly after his death. She had come to love and care for our kids and they were pretty sure she hung the moon. So as we hunted for a home in Louisville we decided to do so with her in mind. We would find a a home with a room for her as well. She came to house hunt with us and always offered her opinions on every house we took her to. When we bought our house there was a room just for her. It was a purple and she loved it. We told her "this is your room. In fact the kids and all of their friends called it that. She would come and spend weeks and holidays with us and it was wonderful. There were many times when the kids would be outside playing and Aunt Dorothy and I would sit and talk. Not just for a short time but for hours. I heard about her life, school,work,family and all the things that made her...her. It was fascinating. The thing I didn't hear about outwardly was her faith. She didn't so much talk about her faith as she lived her faith. She had lived it everyday since about the age of 12. She didn't go around proclaiming it to everyone, she SHOWED everyone what it meant to trust the Lord with her life. It wasn't an easy life but one of trust and believing. So where am I going with this. As I sit here listening to her gasping for every breath I keep finding myself begging the Lord to take her home with Him. To somehow make this easier,for her not to struggle anymore...but then it dawns on me that this is nothing new for Aunt Dorothy. Struggling has always been a part of her life. Struggling was something she has been used to for years in many ways. Struggling was exactly WHY her faith was so obvious. Aunt Dorothy's "redeemer" as she liked to refer to Him,had carried her through every struggle in His timing,love and mercy and tonite...would be no different. He would use this final struggle as a way to glorify Him. So as I sit here listening to her final breaths I am amazed yet again the the Lord would allow me to witness His endless mercy and love. Yes, Aunt Dorothy will meet Jesus very soon and she will be ready, probably alot more ready than most of us. Aunt Dorothy,you have fought the good fight and your reward in heaven is great. I wish I could see the smile on a your face when He looks at you and says "Well done, my good and faithful servant...now come rest." I will miss you so much as will the whole Bruce family. You are irreplaceable. No goodbyes...just see you again. I love you. P.s. would you give Tate and Liam a hug for me and tell them their momma and daddy miss them everyday, their little sister Charlee is a hoot and mimi and pawpaw love them to the moon...and back. "Father, thank You that You chose to bless my life by Aunt Dorothy's life. The way You show Your love to us through others amazes me. Thank You, Thank You."
Thursday, July 14, 2011
Full Circle
As many of you know we welcomed our 4th grandchild into the world this past Monday. Charlee Annabelle Mathews came into the world and into our hearts with great gusto. She is beautiful! Her fingers and toes are the longest I have ever seen. Trust me when I say it will be no problem for me to look and act totally foolish when it comes to her. She is perfect in every way. We feel very blessed.
As with most births there is alot of excitement and anticipation involved and this birth was no different...in that sense. But there were some unique differences in how Charlees birth unfolded. Let me explain.
Anna's labor was actually very easy. (I can say that because: a. I am her mom and b. I have gone through labor myself and her's was a breeze compared to mine!) In no time at all we were looking Charlee in the face and celebrating her arrival with great joy. After the alotted time for 'mommy/daddy bonding time' Anna and Josh were transferred to the 3rd floor. They were put in a room at the end of a long hall that we all agreed was the smallest room in the hospital. But that was not what made it unique. You see they were taken to room 331. For most people room 331 would hold no significance...but for Anna and Josh room 331 held alot of signifigance. A year and a half earlier it was in this room that Anna and Josh would also be taken to wait for news about Tate and Liam. It was in this room that they recieved updates on their progress and setbacks. It was in this room that Anna was asked to pump the only nourishment the boys would recieve in their short time here on earth. It was in this room that Josh would return numerous times to Anna's side after seeing and checking on the boys to give her a run down on how they looked and what was going on. It was in this room that they realized their boys would probably not ever come home. It was in this room that Anna was frantically rushed up to the NICU only to be told that both boys would not make it.
It dawned on all of us as they wheeled Anna into room 331 that perhaps this wasn't a good idea and we should petition the nurses to move them somewhere else....but we didn't. Instead, it was mentioned that this would be okay. Okay because we had come 'full circle'. We could be in this room and be fine because as Anna put it "God has been so faithful...We will get to take this baby 'home'." And she was right. God had been so faithful and room 331 was a wonderful reminder that our Lord had never left our sides. In fact He had walked before ALL of this and had prepared Anna and Josh for THIS amazing day. In a room where at one time sadness and grief hung in the air, joy and elation took over. Thankfulness was abounding and His love and mercy was very evident.
There are events in your life that you never forget and they change you forever. The death of Tate and Liam was one of those for me. For the past year there has been one scene etched in my mind and heart. It was the night that Anna and Josh had to tell the boys goodbye for the last time. Anna and Josh laid in her bed together together and asked Paul to take a 'family picture' of them with the boys. He did. THAT picture has been stamped in my brain...Anna and Josh holding 2 lifeless little bodies with only a memory of what might have been. THIS week as Anna sat on the bed loving on Charlee she looked at me and said "mom, her breath is intoxicating and the best part is...we get to take her home." Wow...intoxicating? Suddenly it made perfect sense to me. Of course her breath was intoxicting. Here in Anna's arms was this precious baby that was responding to her and breathing on her and depending on her for sustinance. Yes, intoxicating was a good word. And so room 331 was okay. Room 331 was actually somewhat healing. Room 331 was where Anna and Josh once again experienced God's unlimited mercy. Yes, we had come full circle....and we had survived. In Ecclesiastes 3:4 scripture says "a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance,...". As you all know I LOVE to dance and it is time! It is time to rejoice, to come 'full circle'. I pray you have come 'full circle' many times in your life. Times when you can look back and be thankful that the Lord has brought you to 'this place'. This place of the 'FULL CIRCLE'. Because 'full circle' to me means that at the end of the day the Lord has once again proven that YOU are THAT important to HIM. He knows you hurt and will, can and DOES turn your mourning into dancing again!!! And that's what I've learned along the way....excuse me but Lyric just got here and we have some dancing to do...we are celebrating!
As with most births there is alot of excitement and anticipation involved and this birth was no different...in that sense. But there were some unique differences in how Charlees birth unfolded. Let me explain.
Anna's labor was actually very easy. (I can say that because: a. I am her mom and b. I have gone through labor myself and her's was a breeze compared to mine!) In no time at all we were looking Charlee in the face and celebrating her arrival with great joy. After the alotted time for 'mommy/daddy bonding time' Anna and Josh were transferred to the 3rd floor. They were put in a room at the end of a long hall that we all agreed was the smallest room in the hospital. But that was not what made it unique. You see they were taken to room 331. For most people room 331 would hold no significance...but for Anna and Josh room 331 held alot of signifigance. A year and a half earlier it was in this room that Anna and Josh would also be taken to wait for news about Tate and Liam. It was in this room that they recieved updates on their progress and setbacks. It was in this room that Anna was asked to pump the only nourishment the boys would recieve in their short time here on earth. It was in this room that Josh would return numerous times to Anna's side after seeing and checking on the boys to give her a run down on how they looked and what was going on. It was in this room that they realized their boys would probably not ever come home. It was in this room that Anna was frantically rushed up to the NICU only to be told that both boys would not make it.
It dawned on all of us as they wheeled Anna into room 331 that perhaps this wasn't a good idea and we should petition the nurses to move them somewhere else....but we didn't. Instead, it was mentioned that this would be okay. Okay because we had come 'full circle'. We could be in this room and be fine because as Anna put it "God has been so faithful...We will get to take this baby 'home'." And she was right. God had been so faithful and room 331 was a wonderful reminder that our Lord had never left our sides. In fact He had walked before ALL of this and had prepared Anna and Josh for THIS amazing day. In a room where at one time sadness and grief hung in the air, joy and elation took over. Thankfulness was abounding and His love and mercy was very evident.
There are events in your life that you never forget and they change you forever. The death of Tate and Liam was one of those for me. For the past year there has been one scene etched in my mind and heart. It was the night that Anna and Josh had to tell the boys goodbye for the last time. Anna and Josh laid in her bed together together and asked Paul to take a 'family picture' of them with the boys. He did. THAT picture has been stamped in my brain...Anna and Josh holding 2 lifeless little bodies with only a memory of what might have been. THIS week as Anna sat on the bed loving on Charlee she looked at me and said "mom, her breath is intoxicating and the best part is...we get to take her home." Wow...intoxicating? Suddenly it made perfect sense to me. Of course her breath was intoxicting. Here in Anna's arms was this precious baby that was responding to her and breathing on her and depending on her for sustinance. Yes, intoxicating was a good word. And so room 331 was okay. Room 331 was actually somewhat healing. Room 331 was where Anna and Josh once again experienced God's unlimited mercy. Yes, we had come full circle....and we had survived. In Ecclesiastes 3:4 scripture says "a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance,...". As you all know I LOVE to dance and it is time! It is time to rejoice, to come 'full circle'. I pray you have come 'full circle' many times in your life. Times when you can look back and be thankful that the Lord has brought you to 'this place'. This place of the 'FULL CIRCLE'. Because 'full circle' to me means that at the end of the day the Lord has once again proven that YOU are THAT important to HIM. He knows you hurt and will, can and DOES turn your mourning into dancing again!!! And that's what I've learned along the way....excuse me but Lyric just got here and we have some dancing to do...we are celebrating!
Thursday, May 5, 2011
My Unsung Hero
It's Mother's Day weekend and I feel compelled to tell you about my very own unsung hero.She has been my biggest fan since I was born.She has put more rollers in my hair than you can shake a stick at.She has given me enough perms to change the DNA in my brain.She has critiqued thousands of outfits as I was walking out the door,never missing the chance to help me perfect said outfit.She has helped me lose millions of unwanted pounds over the years.She has advised me on bad haircuts and useless ex-boyfriends.Many of these things are probably all things most of you can relate to with your own momma.So I will move on to the good stuff, to the stuff that formed who and what I am,the stuff that I think about everyday of my life,the stuff I am so very thankful she took time to teach me.
My parents have been married 60-plus years.At this point you would expect me to say that there were rocky years involved but that wouldn't be true.There were NO rocky years. All of their years have been filled with a love that had no boundaries.And as a girl growing up I watched very carefully HOW my momma loved my daddy and HOW she loved us 4 girls.
There were no favorites where my momma was concerned. I was the youngest of 4 girls.We are very similar yet also very different.My momma used to say that and I believed her. She always knew what each of us needed to thrive and succeed.She encouraged every endeavor we ever undertook.(even my sister trying her hand at the cello.)She would make each of us feel as tho we were the best thing since sliced bread. When I was still too little to go to school I spent my days alone with my momma. I loved it!When you come from a family of 6... alone time with your parents was a wonderful thing. We would eat tomato soup for lunch and watch "As The World Turns". I thought those people were real. I kinda think my momma did too.We would watch on the edge of our seats. As soon as the credits would roll momma would say "That show is so silly. I really don't know why I watch it." But the very next day we would watch it again. I didn't care tho, cause it meant time spent with her.
Momma taught us so much about taking care of who we loved. Everyday my dad would come home at 5:45.At 5:00 she would change her clothes, straighten her hair and then proceed to round all of us up to do the same.She would tell us how we needed to look nice for daddy cause he worked so hard.She was right, he DID work so hard.She was HIS number one fan and he was hers. (still is...) She glowed when he came through the door and he would sweep her up in his arms and kiss her with a wonderful kiss. The kind that you remember even as an adult. He would tease with her and love on her in front of us. He respected her way of keeping the house and how she cared for us.He was crazy about her and she was crazy about him. And when he would get home, dinner was always ready and 4 little girls were ready as well. Ready to worship and adore their daddy.We knew what dad did and how hard he worked and momma never missed a chance to tell us how important he was to her.They laughed alot and she ALWAYS asked how work was at the end of the day. She respected all of his decisions and he was the head of our home. Momma knew her Bible and I often heard her and daddy reading together in the evening or morning when they had quiet time. It is still a sweet site to see them continuing that same practice to this day.
I'm sure you are wondering the point of all these memories.Watching mom live her everyday life with my dad and our family I learned alot.I learned that her relationship with the Lord was the most important relationship she had.She was devoted to my dad. Actually devoted is probably somewhat of an understatement.She was never more happy than when he was (and still is) at her side.She was never more proud than when the 4 of us girls sang.She would practice us for hours. If it was worth doing then it was worth doing well! She would take great pride in being asked if we could sing somewhere.We knew how proud of us she was because she would tell us so.She knew every single insecurity each of us had and had a way of encouraging us BEYOND those insecurities.She was proud of every endeavor we tried.She laughed when it would have been easier to cry.In fact one of her favorite sayings (especially after an exceptionally painful break-up and there were many) was "Someday you'll laugh about this," I can remember thinking "is she kidding?" But she was right. Granted it might have been a year or two or more but laughing was always the best medicine. In fact...there was ALWAYS alot of laughter in our home. She taught me that no matter the situaion or delimma...you should pray. Pray about everything. Not just the big things but the most minute things as well. She would say "If you learn to pray about the littlest things then you will always pray about the big things.Don't ever doubt that the Lord cares about every detail of your life." I don't doubt it in the least, not now,not ever.
I guess you get the drift of things here.Please know that I KNOW how blessed I have been and am. I know that from the beginning of time the Lord knew that only Norma Frances Elizabeth Holsapple Clark could raise me,encourage me, teach me, love me, discipline me,show me how to love a husband,how to be devoted to the Lord,teach me songs that only a momma could know,laugh until my sides hurt,always cook for more people than you expect,make sure your door is always open,be an amazing grandma (mimi) because the rules are always more fun with "Annie" than anyone else, have p.j. parties after the age of 70,dance on the table if you feel like it singing "I'm too sexy for my nightgown...", cry when your daughter needs you to mourn with her,rejoice when a grandchild figures out that they "want Jesus in their heart" and need to talk to grandpa....and so on and so on.
There are no words to say thank you enough to my momma. She has loved me through thick and thin,laughter and unbearable sorrow and everyday life as we know it.She has and will always be my very own unsung hero. Cause a true hero will never toot her own horn.That's for me to do. I love you momma. You are irreplaceable.You are a precious gift that I treasure everyday. Thank you for teaching me when you didn't know you were.The lessons I learned are timeless.I can only hope that someday....my kids will say "mom was so much like Annie." Now THAT would be the highest compliment i could ever recieve. And that's what I've learned along the way......Happy Mother's Day everyone.
My parents have been married 60-plus years.At this point you would expect me to say that there were rocky years involved but that wouldn't be true.There were NO rocky years. All of their years have been filled with a love that had no boundaries.And as a girl growing up I watched very carefully HOW my momma loved my daddy and HOW she loved us 4 girls.
There were no favorites where my momma was concerned. I was the youngest of 4 girls.We are very similar yet also very different.My momma used to say that and I believed her. She always knew what each of us needed to thrive and succeed.She encouraged every endeavor we ever undertook.(even my sister trying her hand at the cello.)She would make each of us feel as tho we were the best thing since sliced bread. When I was still too little to go to school I spent my days alone with my momma. I loved it!When you come from a family of 6... alone time with your parents was a wonderful thing. We would eat tomato soup for lunch and watch "As The World Turns". I thought those people were real. I kinda think my momma did too.We would watch on the edge of our seats. As soon as the credits would roll momma would say "That show is so silly. I really don't know why I watch it." But the very next day we would watch it again. I didn't care tho, cause it meant time spent with her.
Momma taught us so much about taking care of who we loved. Everyday my dad would come home at 5:45.At 5:00 she would change her clothes, straighten her hair and then proceed to round all of us up to do the same.She would tell us how we needed to look nice for daddy cause he worked so hard.She was right, he DID work so hard.She was HIS number one fan and he was hers. (still is...) She glowed when he came through the door and he would sweep her up in his arms and kiss her with a wonderful kiss. The kind that you remember even as an adult. He would tease with her and love on her in front of us. He respected her way of keeping the house and how she cared for us.He was crazy about her and she was crazy about him. And when he would get home, dinner was always ready and 4 little girls were ready as well. Ready to worship and adore their daddy.We knew what dad did and how hard he worked and momma never missed a chance to tell us how important he was to her.They laughed alot and she ALWAYS asked how work was at the end of the day. She respected all of his decisions and he was the head of our home. Momma knew her Bible and I often heard her and daddy reading together in the evening or morning when they had quiet time. It is still a sweet site to see them continuing that same practice to this day.
I'm sure you are wondering the point of all these memories.Watching mom live her everyday life with my dad and our family I learned alot.I learned that her relationship with the Lord was the most important relationship she had.She was devoted to my dad. Actually devoted is probably somewhat of an understatement.She was never more happy than when he was (and still is) at her side.She was never more proud than when the 4 of us girls sang.She would practice us for hours. If it was worth doing then it was worth doing well! She would take great pride in being asked if we could sing somewhere.We knew how proud of us she was because she would tell us so.She knew every single insecurity each of us had and had a way of encouraging us BEYOND those insecurities.She was proud of every endeavor we tried.She laughed when it would have been easier to cry.In fact one of her favorite sayings (especially after an exceptionally painful break-up and there were many) was "Someday you'll laugh about this," I can remember thinking "is she kidding?" But she was right. Granted it might have been a year or two or more but laughing was always the best medicine. In fact...there was ALWAYS alot of laughter in our home. She taught me that no matter the situaion or delimma...you should pray. Pray about everything. Not just the big things but the most minute things as well. She would say "If you learn to pray about the littlest things then you will always pray about the big things.Don't ever doubt that the Lord cares about every detail of your life." I don't doubt it in the least, not now,not ever.
I guess you get the drift of things here.Please know that I KNOW how blessed I have been and am. I know that from the beginning of time the Lord knew that only Norma Frances Elizabeth Holsapple Clark could raise me,encourage me, teach me, love me, discipline me,show me how to love a husband,how to be devoted to the Lord,teach me songs that only a momma could know,laugh until my sides hurt,always cook for more people than you expect,make sure your door is always open,be an amazing grandma (mimi) because the rules are always more fun with "Annie" than anyone else, have p.j. parties after the age of 70,dance on the table if you feel like it singing "I'm too sexy for my nightgown...", cry when your daughter needs you to mourn with her,rejoice when a grandchild figures out that they "want Jesus in their heart" and need to talk to grandpa....and so on and so on.
There are no words to say thank you enough to my momma. She has loved me through thick and thin,laughter and unbearable sorrow and everyday life as we know it.She has and will always be my very own unsung hero. Cause a true hero will never toot her own horn.That's for me to do. I love you momma. You are irreplaceable.You are a precious gift that I treasure everyday. Thank you for teaching me when you didn't know you were.The lessons I learned are timeless.I can only hope that someday....my kids will say "mom was so much like Annie." Now THAT would be the highest compliment i could ever recieve. And that's what I've learned along the way......Happy Mother's Day everyone.
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
A House is JUST a house.......
This past weekend a friend of ours from college was in town.He was traveling with his precious momma.We got in touch with him and invited them out for a visit.When they arrived, Anna and Josh were out in the driveway painting furniture for their new apartment, Clark was out there as well hitting dirt around with a hockey stick.(once a hockey player...always a hockey player) The kids all walked over to meet them. We all talked outside for a bit and then we brought our friends inside for our visit. When we walked in and got settled our friends' mom said "So...WHO does live here?" Paul and I started laughing. I answered "everyone you just met." We then proceeded to sing Lyric's praises and show them the shrine we built to her. It dawned on me as we sat there that her question was actually a really good one.
The word "live" came back to my mind over and over. Because "live" is exactly what has been done in this house for the many years. We have laughed and cried, we have brought home new pets and cars and boyfriends and girlfriends and friends.We have stood around the piano and sang and played the flute and saxophone and guitar.We even tried our hand at the drums. (lol)
We have painted the walls many different colors,have moved the furniture to many different places and moved the kids from one bedroom to another to another and another. We have gone from decorating with Minnie Mouse and Sports memorabilia to much classier, more contemporary looks.
We have torn down walls,put in new windows,floors, doors and cabinets.We have replaced refrigerators, dish washers, sinks, stoves and microstoves.
We have sat around a 10 foot long kitchen table with family, friends,strangers and had countless meals filled laughter,tears and loooong talks about everything from A to Z. We've shared good meals and bad meals. We have ordered more pizzas than I can count and made more batches of brownies than I care to remember. We have walked around our table praying endlessly for our precious Will when his lips would turn blue.
We have prayed endlessly,debated repeatedly, argued over and over and dried many tears. Laura announced her profession of faith while sitting on our bed. Clark was told about the facts of life while hiding his head under our blanket. Anna has cried many tears about many things while lying across our bed. Paul and I have cried heartfelt agonizing tears over the death of our sister-in-law while sitting at the foot of our bed.We were giddy over the birth of Lyric.Could'nt believe that Clark and Kerrie had given all of us such an amazing gift. We fell apart the night Anna went into labor in the basement and the ambulance took her and Josh away.We felt we would not be able to go on when 9 hours later Tate and Liam went home to be with the Lord.We mourned everyday over the look of undeniable anguish on Anna and Josh's faces as they healed. We prayed endlessly for just the courage to keep going. We rejoiced at the sound of laughter when it came back into the house after such a loss.
We have LIVED life in this "house". There have been so many times when it would have been understandable to hole up in this house and let the bad things take over us. That has not happened. Here is why...In John 10:10 the Bible says "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have LIFE, and have it to the FULL." Some translations use the word "abundantly". I love that word because THAT is what we have done. We have LIVED IT MORE ABUNDANTLY. Not by our own doing but BECAUSE HE came to give us life. LIFE to be lived. Pain, suffering,hurt, death and loss are all a part of LIFE.Without those things we would not know Him and His love for us.
So I think back to the original question and I am SO very thankful for WHO lives here and HOW we have lived. Not perfectly by any stretch of the imagination but with HOPE. Hope...knowing that THIS life is temporary and meant to be lived. Meant to tell others about your hope. Meant to LIVE OUT YOUR HOPE. So...who LIVES in your house? And that's what I've learned along the way...
The word "live" came back to my mind over and over. Because "live" is exactly what has been done in this house for the many years. We have laughed and cried, we have brought home new pets and cars and boyfriends and girlfriends and friends.We have stood around the piano and sang and played the flute and saxophone and guitar.We even tried our hand at the drums. (lol)
We have painted the walls many different colors,have moved the furniture to many different places and moved the kids from one bedroom to another to another and another. We have gone from decorating with Minnie Mouse and Sports memorabilia to much classier, more contemporary looks.
We have torn down walls,put in new windows,floors, doors and cabinets.We have replaced refrigerators, dish washers, sinks, stoves and microstoves.
We have sat around a 10 foot long kitchen table with family, friends,strangers and had countless meals filled laughter,tears and loooong talks about everything from A to Z. We've shared good meals and bad meals. We have ordered more pizzas than I can count and made more batches of brownies than I care to remember. We have walked around our table praying endlessly for our precious Will when his lips would turn blue.
We have prayed endlessly,debated repeatedly, argued over and over and dried many tears. Laura announced her profession of faith while sitting on our bed. Clark was told about the facts of life while hiding his head under our blanket. Anna has cried many tears about many things while lying across our bed. Paul and I have cried heartfelt agonizing tears over the death of our sister-in-law while sitting at the foot of our bed.We were giddy over the birth of Lyric.Could'nt believe that Clark and Kerrie had given all of us such an amazing gift. We fell apart the night Anna went into labor in the basement and the ambulance took her and Josh away.We felt we would not be able to go on when 9 hours later Tate and Liam went home to be with the Lord.We mourned everyday over the look of undeniable anguish on Anna and Josh's faces as they healed. We prayed endlessly for just the courage to keep going. We rejoiced at the sound of laughter when it came back into the house after such a loss.
We have LIVED life in this "house". There have been so many times when it would have been understandable to hole up in this house and let the bad things take over us. That has not happened. Here is why...In John 10:10 the Bible says "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have LIFE, and have it to the FULL." Some translations use the word "abundantly". I love that word because THAT is what we have done. We have LIVED IT MORE ABUNDANTLY. Not by our own doing but BECAUSE HE came to give us life. LIFE to be lived. Pain, suffering,hurt, death and loss are all a part of LIFE.Without those things we would not know Him and His love for us.
So I think back to the original question and I am SO very thankful for WHO lives here and HOW we have lived. Not perfectly by any stretch of the imagination but with HOPE. Hope...knowing that THIS life is temporary and meant to be lived. Meant to tell others about your hope. Meant to LIVE OUT YOUR HOPE. So...who LIVES in your house? And that's what I've learned along the way...
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Blind Faith
Recently I've have been under attack by satan.Nothing new for any of us but I was confronted with HOW I should deal with the attack.It occurred to me that we really DO have a choice on HOW we respond to what satan doles out.
It is so easy to get caught up in the "I can fix it" mode. I am so guilty of trying to take the reins and circle the wagons and hunker down for the rough weather coming but in reality I am pulling myself away from the One who ordained that day, my life and the situation. The older I get I also find that I can cause myself to feel more desperate if things don't start changing.Desperation is a dangerous thing. I think that at times it allows you to feel alot more important than you are. As if you could move heaven and earth to accomplish what YOU think is right. For years I havc presumed that I could handle things better than the Lord could. I swooped in over and over "saving" my children from things the Lord needed to teach them. Always thinking it was the right thing to do because I'd "been through" things and had the experience to teach them.Sadly that is not how life works. Instead the Lord gently and lovingly allows us to fall, stumble, sink and sometimes wallow in the mess we've made so the the NEED for Him will be more powerful. I can remember the night the boys were born, Josh woke me up to tell me Anna's water had broken.I leapt out of bed and went into "I am here to save the day" mode. Tragically my "save the day" skills were less than effective.We were put in a place of TOTAL reliance on the Lord. In other words...blind faith.For the next 9 hours we waited and prayed and begged the Lord to make this have a wonderful outcome.In reality...the boys were too weak to survive all they had been through.So again we were put in a place of blind faith.The day we buried the boys is and will probably always be a blur. I remember making sure the kids were ok, that everyone got fed, bills were paid, the house kept running...and so on and so on. My initial instinct was to lay down,curl up in a fetal position and wait for life to get better. I am SO glad I didn't do that. If I had chosen that I would have missed all the things the Lord had for me to learn. I would have sheltered the kids from the unmeasurable mercy they got to experience.
Sometimes my heart hurt so badly I could barely breath...but I DID keep breathing. I felt a peace I couldn't explain. Sometimes the agony on Anna and Josh's faces was so unbearable that I wanted to scream...but I didn't.The Holy Spirit eeked out the words I couldn't find to pray for those kids.Sometimes Paul and I would fall apart at the drop of a hat. The pain in our chest was so heavy that we felt we couldn't take a breathe without breaking....but we DID breathe and made it to the next day.
There have been so many times in THIS year alone that have required ONLY blind faith. Am I good at it? No. Not always. Usually not, in fact I still find myself thinking "ok...here we go again. What do I need to do to fix this?". I am so thankful that I have a loving heavenly Father that prods me to lean on Him...not just a little but to fall helplessly into His arms...for when I am THAT weak...HE is so very strong and I am so very pliable.
I love the song "Potter's Hands". The songs speaks of the Lord "taking, using and molding" us into ALL He needs us to be. He never calls us to be what WE want to be. He already KNOWS what we are capable of being. He created us! We can only be pliable when we are submissive to His will and NOT our own. It's funny to me how in my mind I have an idea or dream of what and how my life ought to be. I am here to tell you that more times than not YOUR idea of what your life should be and what the Lord WANTS your life to be are two totally different things. It requires total trust or blind faith that the creator of the universe KNOWS better than you do. He has known since the beginning of time ALL that IS happening or is going to happen. He loves us more than we can even imagine and wants nothing more than to show us that love.
So I guess we're back to the question of blind faith. Do you trust Him with your life, with your kids, with everything? I'd be lying if I said I find it "easy". It's not easy. It's giving up yourself, even giving up your desires....dying to yourself. Man,why IS that so hard? I may never know but in the meantime...I will continue to trust that HE knows what's best for me,for my family,for my life. I will strive to step back and let Him wrap His arms around whatever concerns me. I will continue to desire His will and not my own. For me to do ANY of this I will need for Him to be bigger than me. Pray for me and I will pray for you..because as I see it, relenquishment of MY will and blind faith is the hardest part. And that's what I've learned along the way.
It is so easy to get caught up in the "I can fix it" mode. I am so guilty of trying to take the reins and circle the wagons and hunker down for the rough weather coming but in reality I am pulling myself away from the One who ordained that day, my life and the situation. The older I get I also find that I can cause myself to feel more desperate if things don't start changing.Desperation is a dangerous thing. I think that at times it allows you to feel alot more important than you are. As if you could move heaven and earth to accomplish what YOU think is right. For years I havc presumed that I could handle things better than the Lord could. I swooped in over and over "saving" my children from things the Lord needed to teach them. Always thinking it was the right thing to do because I'd "been through" things and had the experience to teach them.Sadly that is not how life works. Instead the Lord gently and lovingly allows us to fall, stumble, sink and sometimes wallow in the mess we've made so the the NEED for Him will be more powerful. I can remember the night the boys were born, Josh woke me up to tell me Anna's water had broken.I leapt out of bed and went into "I am here to save the day" mode. Tragically my "save the day" skills were less than effective.We were put in a place of TOTAL reliance on the Lord. In other words...blind faith.For the next 9 hours we waited and prayed and begged the Lord to make this have a wonderful outcome.In reality...the boys were too weak to survive all they had been through.So again we were put in a place of blind faith.The day we buried the boys is and will probably always be a blur. I remember making sure the kids were ok, that everyone got fed, bills were paid, the house kept running...and so on and so on. My initial instinct was to lay down,curl up in a fetal position and wait for life to get better. I am SO glad I didn't do that. If I had chosen that I would have missed all the things the Lord had for me to learn. I would have sheltered the kids from the unmeasurable mercy they got to experience.
Sometimes my heart hurt so badly I could barely breath...but I DID keep breathing. I felt a peace I couldn't explain. Sometimes the agony on Anna and Josh's faces was so unbearable that I wanted to scream...but I didn't.The Holy Spirit eeked out the words I couldn't find to pray for those kids.Sometimes Paul and I would fall apart at the drop of a hat. The pain in our chest was so heavy that we felt we couldn't take a breathe without breaking....but we DID breathe and made it to the next day.
There have been so many times in THIS year alone that have required ONLY blind faith. Am I good at it? No. Not always. Usually not, in fact I still find myself thinking "ok...here we go again. What do I need to do to fix this?". I am so thankful that I have a loving heavenly Father that prods me to lean on Him...not just a little but to fall helplessly into His arms...for when I am THAT weak...HE is so very strong and I am so very pliable.
I love the song "Potter's Hands". The songs speaks of the Lord "taking, using and molding" us into ALL He needs us to be. He never calls us to be what WE want to be. He already KNOWS what we are capable of being. He created us! We can only be pliable when we are submissive to His will and NOT our own. It's funny to me how in my mind I have an idea or dream of what and how my life ought to be. I am here to tell you that more times than not YOUR idea of what your life should be and what the Lord WANTS your life to be are two totally different things. It requires total trust or blind faith that the creator of the universe KNOWS better than you do. He has known since the beginning of time ALL that IS happening or is going to happen. He loves us more than we can even imagine and wants nothing more than to show us that love.
So I guess we're back to the question of blind faith. Do you trust Him with your life, with your kids, with everything? I'd be lying if I said I find it "easy". It's not easy. It's giving up yourself, even giving up your desires....dying to yourself. Man,why IS that so hard? I may never know but in the meantime...I will continue to trust that HE knows what's best for me,for my family,for my life. I will strive to step back and let Him wrap His arms around whatever concerns me. I will continue to desire His will and not my own. For me to do ANY of this I will need for Him to be bigger than me. Pray for me and I will pray for you..because as I see it, relenquishment of MY will and blind faith is the hardest part. And that's what I've learned along the way.
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