As many of you know we welcomed our 4th grandchild into the world this past Monday. Charlee Annabelle Mathews came into the world and into our hearts with great gusto. She is beautiful! Her fingers and toes are the longest I have ever seen. Trust me when I say it will be no problem for me to look and act totally foolish when it comes to her. She is perfect in every way. We feel very blessed.
As with most births there is alot of excitement and anticipation involved and this birth was no different...in that sense. But there were some unique differences in how Charlees birth unfolded. Let me explain.
Anna's labor was actually very easy. (I can say that because: a. I am her mom and b. I have gone through labor myself and her's was a breeze compared to mine!) In no time at all we were looking Charlee in the face and celebrating her arrival with great joy. After the alotted time for 'mommy/daddy bonding time' Anna and Josh were transferred to the 3rd floor. They were put in a room at the end of a long hall that we all agreed was the smallest room in the hospital. But that was not what made it unique. You see they were taken to room 331. For most people room 331 would hold no significance...but for Anna and Josh room 331 held alot of signifigance. A year and a half earlier it was in this room that Anna and Josh would also be taken to wait for news about Tate and Liam. It was in this room that they recieved updates on their progress and setbacks. It was in this room that Anna was asked to pump the only nourishment the boys would recieve in their short time here on earth. It was in this room that Josh would return numerous times to Anna's side after seeing and checking on the boys to give her a run down on how they looked and what was going on. It was in this room that they realized their boys would probably not ever come home. It was in this room that Anna was frantically rushed up to the NICU only to be told that both boys would not make it.
It dawned on all of us as they wheeled Anna into room 331 that perhaps this wasn't a good idea and we should petition the nurses to move them somewhere else....but we didn't. Instead, it was mentioned that this would be okay. Okay because we had come 'full circle'. We could be in this room and be fine because as Anna put it "God has been so faithful...We will get to take this baby 'home'." And she was right. God had been so faithful and room 331 was a wonderful reminder that our Lord had never left our sides. In fact He had walked before ALL of this and had prepared Anna and Josh for THIS amazing day. In a room where at one time sadness and grief hung in the air, joy and elation took over. Thankfulness was abounding and His love and mercy was very evident.
There are events in your life that you never forget and they change you forever. The death of Tate and Liam was one of those for me. For the past year there has been one scene etched in my mind and heart. It was the night that Anna and Josh had to tell the boys goodbye for the last time. Anna and Josh laid in her bed together together and asked Paul to take a 'family picture' of them with the boys. He did. THAT picture has been stamped in my brain...Anna and Josh holding 2 lifeless little bodies with only a memory of what might have been. THIS week as Anna sat on the bed loving on Charlee she looked at me and said "mom, her breath is intoxicating and the best part is...we get to take her home." Wow...intoxicating? Suddenly it made perfect sense to me. Of course her breath was intoxicting. Here in Anna's arms was this precious baby that was responding to her and breathing on her and depending on her for sustinance. Yes, intoxicating was a good word. And so room 331 was okay. Room 331 was actually somewhat healing. Room 331 was where Anna and Josh once again experienced God's unlimited mercy. Yes, we had come full circle....and we had survived. In Ecclesiastes 3:4 scripture says "a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance,...". As you all know I LOVE to dance and it is time! It is time to rejoice, to come 'full circle'. I pray you have come 'full circle' many times in your life. Times when you can look back and be thankful that the Lord has brought you to 'this place'. This place of the 'FULL CIRCLE'. Because 'full circle' to me means that at the end of the day the Lord has once again proven that YOU are THAT important to HIM. He knows you hurt and will, can and DOES turn your mourning into dancing again!!! And that's what I've learned along the way....excuse me but Lyric just got here and we have some dancing to do...we are celebrating!
Thursday, July 14, 2011
Thursday, May 5, 2011
My Unsung Hero
It's Mother's Day weekend and I feel compelled to tell you about my very own unsung hero.She has been my biggest fan since I was born.She has put more rollers in my hair than you can shake a stick at.She has given me enough perms to change the DNA in my brain.She has critiqued thousands of outfits as I was walking out the door,never missing the chance to help me perfect said outfit.She has helped me lose millions of unwanted pounds over the years.She has advised me on bad haircuts and useless ex-boyfriends.Many of these things are probably all things most of you can relate to with your own momma.So I will move on to the good stuff, to the stuff that formed who and what I am,the stuff that I think about everyday of my life,the stuff I am so very thankful she took time to teach me.
My parents have been married 60-plus years.At this point you would expect me to say that there were rocky years involved but that wouldn't be true.There were NO rocky years. All of their years have been filled with a love that had no boundaries.And as a girl growing up I watched very carefully HOW my momma loved my daddy and HOW she loved us 4 girls.
There were no favorites where my momma was concerned. I was the youngest of 4 girls.We are very similar yet also very different.My momma used to say that and I believed her. She always knew what each of us needed to thrive and succeed.She encouraged every endeavor we ever undertook.(even my sister trying her hand at the cello.)She would make each of us feel as tho we were the best thing since sliced bread. When I was still too little to go to school I spent my days alone with my momma. I loved it!When you come from a family of 6... alone time with your parents was a wonderful thing. We would eat tomato soup for lunch and watch "As The World Turns". I thought those people were real. I kinda think my momma did too.We would watch on the edge of our seats. As soon as the credits would roll momma would say "That show is so silly. I really don't know why I watch it." But the very next day we would watch it again. I didn't care tho, cause it meant time spent with her.
Momma taught us so much about taking care of who we loved. Everyday my dad would come home at 5:45.At 5:00 she would change her clothes, straighten her hair and then proceed to round all of us up to do the same.She would tell us how we needed to look nice for daddy cause he worked so hard.She was right, he DID work so hard.She was HIS number one fan and he was hers. (still is...) She glowed when he came through the door and he would sweep her up in his arms and kiss her with a wonderful kiss. The kind that you remember even as an adult. He would tease with her and love on her in front of us. He respected her way of keeping the house and how she cared for us.He was crazy about her and she was crazy about him. And when he would get home, dinner was always ready and 4 little girls were ready as well. Ready to worship and adore their daddy.We knew what dad did and how hard he worked and momma never missed a chance to tell us how important he was to her.They laughed alot and she ALWAYS asked how work was at the end of the day. She respected all of his decisions and he was the head of our home. Momma knew her Bible and I often heard her and daddy reading together in the evening or morning when they had quiet time. It is still a sweet site to see them continuing that same practice to this day.
I'm sure you are wondering the point of all these memories.Watching mom live her everyday life with my dad and our family I learned alot.I learned that her relationship with the Lord was the most important relationship she had.She was devoted to my dad. Actually devoted is probably somewhat of an understatement.She was never more happy than when he was (and still is) at her side.She was never more proud than when the 4 of us girls sang.She would practice us for hours. If it was worth doing then it was worth doing well! She would take great pride in being asked if we could sing somewhere.We knew how proud of us she was because she would tell us so.She knew every single insecurity each of us had and had a way of encouraging us BEYOND those insecurities.She was proud of every endeavor we tried.She laughed when it would have been easier to cry.In fact one of her favorite sayings (especially after an exceptionally painful break-up and there were many) was "Someday you'll laugh about this," I can remember thinking "is she kidding?" But she was right. Granted it might have been a year or two or more but laughing was always the best medicine. In fact...there was ALWAYS alot of laughter in our home. She taught me that no matter the situaion or delimma...you should pray. Pray about everything. Not just the big things but the most minute things as well. She would say "If you learn to pray about the littlest things then you will always pray about the big things.Don't ever doubt that the Lord cares about every detail of your life." I don't doubt it in the least, not now,not ever.
I guess you get the drift of things here.Please know that I KNOW how blessed I have been and am. I know that from the beginning of time the Lord knew that only Norma Frances Elizabeth Holsapple Clark could raise me,encourage me, teach me, love me, discipline me,show me how to love a husband,how to be devoted to the Lord,teach me songs that only a momma could know,laugh until my sides hurt,always cook for more people than you expect,make sure your door is always open,be an amazing grandma (mimi) because the rules are always more fun with "Annie" than anyone else, have p.j. parties after the age of 70,dance on the table if you feel like it singing "I'm too sexy for my nightgown...", cry when your daughter needs you to mourn with her,rejoice when a grandchild figures out that they "want Jesus in their heart" and need to talk to grandpa....and so on and so on.
There are no words to say thank you enough to my momma. She has loved me through thick and thin,laughter and unbearable sorrow and everyday life as we know it.She has and will always be my very own unsung hero. Cause a true hero will never toot her own horn.That's for me to do. I love you momma. You are irreplaceable.You are a precious gift that I treasure everyday. Thank you for teaching me when you didn't know you were.The lessons I learned are timeless.I can only hope that someday....my kids will say "mom was so much like Annie." Now THAT would be the highest compliment i could ever recieve. And that's what I've learned along the way......Happy Mother's Day everyone.
My parents have been married 60-plus years.At this point you would expect me to say that there were rocky years involved but that wouldn't be true.There were NO rocky years. All of their years have been filled with a love that had no boundaries.And as a girl growing up I watched very carefully HOW my momma loved my daddy and HOW she loved us 4 girls.
There were no favorites where my momma was concerned. I was the youngest of 4 girls.We are very similar yet also very different.My momma used to say that and I believed her. She always knew what each of us needed to thrive and succeed.She encouraged every endeavor we ever undertook.(even my sister trying her hand at the cello.)She would make each of us feel as tho we were the best thing since sliced bread. When I was still too little to go to school I spent my days alone with my momma. I loved it!When you come from a family of 6... alone time with your parents was a wonderful thing. We would eat tomato soup for lunch and watch "As The World Turns". I thought those people were real. I kinda think my momma did too.We would watch on the edge of our seats. As soon as the credits would roll momma would say "That show is so silly. I really don't know why I watch it." But the very next day we would watch it again. I didn't care tho, cause it meant time spent with her.
Momma taught us so much about taking care of who we loved. Everyday my dad would come home at 5:45.At 5:00 she would change her clothes, straighten her hair and then proceed to round all of us up to do the same.She would tell us how we needed to look nice for daddy cause he worked so hard.She was right, he DID work so hard.She was HIS number one fan and he was hers. (still is...) She glowed when he came through the door and he would sweep her up in his arms and kiss her with a wonderful kiss. The kind that you remember even as an adult. He would tease with her and love on her in front of us. He respected her way of keeping the house and how she cared for us.He was crazy about her and she was crazy about him. And when he would get home, dinner was always ready and 4 little girls were ready as well. Ready to worship and adore their daddy.We knew what dad did and how hard he worked and momma never missed a chance to tell us how important he was to her.They laughed alot and she ALWAYS asked how work was at the end of the day. She respected all of his decisions and he was the head of our home. Momma knew her Bible and I often heard her and daddy reading together in the evening or morning when they had quiet time. It is still a sweet site to see them continuing that same practice to this day.
I'm sure you are wondering the point of all these memories.Watching mom live her everyday life with my dad and our family I learned alot.I learned that her relationship with the Lord was the most important relationship she had.She was devoted to my dad. Actually devoted is probably somewhat of an understatement.She was never more happy than when he was (and still is) at her side.She was never more proud than when the 4 of us girls sang.She would practice us for hours. If it was worth doing then it was worth doing well! She would take great pride in being asked if we could sing somewhere.We knew how proud of us she was because she would tell us so.She knew every single insecurity each of us had and had a way of encouraging us BEYOND those insecurities.She was proud of every endeavor we tried.She laughed when it would have been easier to cry.In fact one of her favorite sayings (especially after an exceptionally painful break-up and there were many) was "Someday you'll laugh about this," I can remember thinking "is she kidding?" But she was right. Granted it might have been a year or two or more but laughing was always the best medicine. In fact...there was ALWAYS alot of laughter in our home. She taught me that no matter the situaion or delimma...you should pray. Pray about everything. Not just the big things but the most minute things as well. She would say "If you learn to pray about the littlest things then you will always pray about the big things.Don't ever doubt that the Lord cares about every detail of your life." I don't doubt it in the least, not now,not ever.
I guess you get the drift of things here.Please know that I KNOW how blessed I have been and am. I know that from the beginning of time the Lord knew that only Norma Frances Elizabeth Holsapple Clark could raise me,encourage me, teach me, love me, discipline me,show me how to love a husband,how to be devoted to the Lord,teach me songs that only a momma could know,laugh until my sides hurt,always cook for more people than you expect,make sure your door is always open,be an amazing grandma (mimi) because the rules are always more fun with "Annie" than anyone else, have p.j. parties after the age of 70,dance on the table if you feel like it singing "I'm too sexy for my nightgown...", cry when your daughter needs you to mourn with her,rejoice when a grandchild figures out that they "want Jesus in their heart" and need to talk to grandpa....and so on and so on.
There are no words to say thank you enough to my momma. She has loved me through thick and thin,laughter and unbearable sorrow and everyday life as we know it.She has and will always be my very own unsung hero. Cause a true hero will never toot her own horn.That's for me to do. I love you momma. You are irreplaceable.You are a precious gift that I treasure everyday. Thank you for teaching me when you didn't know you were.The lessons I learned are timeless.I can only hope that someday....my kids will say "mom was so much like Annie." Now THAT would be the highest compliment i could ever recieve. And that's what I've learned along the way......Happy Mother's Day everyone.
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
A House is JUST a house.......
This past weekend a friend of ours from college was in town.He was traveling with his precious momma.We got in touch with him and invited them out for a visit.When they arrived, Anna and Josh were out in the driveway painting furniture for their new apartment, Clark was out there as well hitting dirt around with a hockey stick.(once a hockey player...always a hockey player) The kids all walked over to meet them. We all talked outside for a bit and then we brought our friends inside for our visit. When we walked in and got settled our friends' mom said "So...WHO does live here?" Paul and I started laughing. I answered "everyone you just met." We then proceeded to sing Lyric's praises and show them the shrine we built to her. It dawned on me as we sat there that her question was actually a really good one.
The word "live" came back to my mind over and over. Because "live" is exactly what has been done in this house for the many years. We have laughed and cried, we have brought home new pets and cars and boyfriends and girlfriends and friends.We have stood around the piano and sang and played the flute and saxophone and guitar.We even tried our hand at the drums. (lol)
We have painted the walls many different colors,have moved the furniture to many different places and moved the kids from one bedroom to another to another and another. We have gone from decorating with Minnie Mouse and Sports memorabilia to much classier, more contemporary looks.
We have torn down walls,put in new windows,floors, doors and cabinets.We have replaced refrigerators, dish washers, sinks, stoves and microstoves.
We have sat around a 10 foot long kitchen table with family, friends,strangers and had countless meals filled laughter,tears and loooong talks about everything from A to Z. We've shared good meals and bad meals. We have ordered more pizzas than I can count and made more batches of brownies than I care to remember. We have walked around our table praying endlessly for our precious Will when his lips would turn blue.
We have prayed endlessly,debated repeatedly, argued over and over and dried many tears. Laura announced her profession of faith while sitting on our bed. Clark was told about the facts of life while hiding his head under our blanket. Anna has cried many tears about many things while lying across our bed. Paul and I have cried heartfelt agonizing tears over the death of our sister-in-law while sitting at the foot of our bed.We were giddy over the birth of Lyric.Could'nt believe that Clark and Kerrie had given all of us such an amazing gift. We fell apart the night Anna went into labor in the basement and the ambulance took her and Josh away.We felt we would not be able to go on when 9 hours later Tate and Liam went home to be with the Lord.We mourned everyday over the look of undeniable anguish on Anna and Josh's faces as they healed. We prayed endlessly for just the courage to keep going. We rejoiced at the sound of laughter when it came back into the house after such a loss.
We have LIVED life in this "house". There have been so many times when it would have been understandable to hole up in this house and let the bad things take over us. That has not happened. Here is why...In John 10:10 the Bible says "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have LIFE, and have it to the FULL." Some translations use the word "abundantly". I love that word because THAT is what we have done. We have LIVED IT MORE ABUNDANTLY. Not by our own doing but BECAUSE HE came to give us life. LIFE to be lived. Pain, suffering,hurt, death and loss are all a part of LIFE.Without those things we would not know Him and His love for us.
So I think back to the original question and I am SO very thankful for WHO lives here and HOW we have lived. Not perfectly by any stretch of the imagination but with HOPE. Hope...knowing that THIS life is temporary and meant to be lived. Meant to tell others about your hope. Meant to LIVE OUT YOUR HOPE. So...who LIVES in your house? And that's what I've learned along the way...
The word "live" came back to my mind over and over. Because "live" is exactly what has been done in this house for the many years. We have laughed and cried, we have brought home new pets and cars and boyfriends and girlfriends and friends.We have stood around the piano and sang and played the flute and saxophone and guitar.We even tried our hand at the drums. (lol)
We have painted the walls many different colors,have moved the furniture to many different places and moved the kids from one bedroom to another to another and another. We have gone from decorating with Minnie Mouse and Sports memorabilia to much classier, more contemporary looks.
We have torn down walls,put in new windows,floors, doors and cabinets.We have replaced refrigerators, dish washers, sinks, stoves and microstoves.
We have sat around a 10 foot long kitchen table with family, friends,strangers and had countless meals filled laughter,tears and loooong talks about everything from A to Z. We've shared good meals and bad meals. We have ordered more pizzas than I can count and made more batches of brownies than I care to remember. We have walked around our table praying endlessly for our precious Will when his lips would turn blue.
We have prayed endlessly,debated repeatedly, argued over and over and dried many tears. Laura announced her profession of faith while sitting on our bed. Clark was told about the facts of life while hiding his head under our blanket. Anna has cried many tears about many things while lying across our bed. Paul and I have cried heartfelt agonizing tears over the death of our sister-in-law while sitting at the foot of our bed.We were giddy over the birth of Lyric.Could'nt believe that Clark and Kerrie had given all of us such an amazing gift. We fell apart the night Anna went into labor in the basement and the ambulance took her and Josh away.We felt we would not be able to go on when 9 hours later Tate and Liam went home to be with the Lord.We mourned everyday over the look of undeniable anguish on Anna and Josh's faces as they healed. We prayed endlessly for just the courage to keep going. We rejoiced at the sound of laughter when it came back into the house after such a loss.
We have LIVED life in this "house". There have been so many times when it would have been understandable to hole up in this house and let the bad things take over us. That has not happened. Here is why...In John 10:10 the Bible says "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have LIFE, and have it to the FULL." Some translations use the word "abundantly". I love that word because THAT is what we have done. We have LIVED IT MORE ABUNDANTLY. Not by our own doing but BECAUSE HE came to give us life. LIFE to be lived. Pain, suffering,hurt, death and loss are all a part of LIFE.Without those things we would not know Him and His love for us.
So I think back to the original question and I am SO very thankful for WHO lives here and HOW we have lived. Not perfectly by any stretch of the imagination but with HOPE. Hope...knowing that THIS life is temporary and meant to be lived. Meant to tell others about your hope. Meant to LIVE OUT YOUR HOPE. So...who LIVES in your house? And that's what I've learned along the way...
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Blind Faith
Recently I've have been under attack by satan.Nothing new for any of us but I was confronted with HOW I should deal with the attack.It occurred to me that we really DO have a choice on HOW we respond to what satan doles out.
It is so easy to get caught up in the "I can fix it" mode. I am so guilty of trying to take the reins and circle the wagons and hunker down for the rough weather coming but in reality I am pulling myself away from the One who ordained that day, my life and the situation. The older I get I also find that I can cause myself to feel more desperate if things don't start changing.Desperation is a dangerous thing. I think that at times it allows you to feel alot more important than you are. As if you could move heaven and earth to accomplish what YOU think is right. For years I havc presumed that I could handle things better than the Lord could. I swooped in over and over "saving" my children from things the Lord needed to teach them. Always thinking it was the right thing to do because I'd "been through" things and had the experience to teach them.Sadly that is not how life works. Instead the Lord gently and lovingly allows us to fall, stumble, sink and sometimes wallow in the mess we've made so the the NEED for Him will be more powerful. I can remember the night the boys were born, Josh woke me up to tell me Anna's water had broken.I leapt out of bed and went into "I am here to save the day" mode. Tragically my "save the day" skills were less than effective.We were put in a place of TOTAL reliance on the Lord. In other words...blind faith.For the next 9 hours we waited and prayed and begged the Lord to make this have a wonderful outcome.In reality...the boys were too weak to survive all they had been through.So again we were put in a place of blind faith.The day we buried the boys is and will probably always be a blur. I remember making sure the kids were ok, that everyone got fed, bills were paid, the house kept running...and so on and so on. My initial instinct was to lay down,curl up in a fetal position and wait for life to get better. I am SO glad I didn't do that. If I had chosen that I would have missed all the things the Lord had for me to learn. I would have sheltered the kids from the unmeasurable mercy they got to experience.
Sometimes my heart hurt so badly I could barely breath...but I DID keep breathing. I felt a peace I couldn't explain. Sometimes the agony on Anna and Josh's faces was so unbearable that I wanted to scream...but I didn't.The Holy Spirit eeked out the words I couldn't find to pray for those kids.Sometimes Paul and I would fall apart at the drop of a hat. The pain in our chest was so heavy that we felt we couldn't take a breathe without breaking....but we DID breathe and made it to the next day.
There have been so many times in THIS year alone that have required ONLY blind faith. Am I good at it? No. Not always. Usually not, in fact I still find myself thinking "ok...here we go again. What do I need to do to fix this?". I am so thankful that I have a loving heavenly Father that prods me to lean on Him...not just a little but to fall helplessly into His arms...for when I am THAT weak...HE is so very strong and I am so very pliable.
I love the song "Potter's Hands". The songs speaks of the Lord "taking, using and molding" us into ALL He needs us to be. He never calls us to be what WE want to be. He already KNOWS what we are capable of being. He created us! We can only be pliable when we are submissive to His will and NOT our own. It's funny to me how in my mind I have an idea or dream of what and how my life ought to be. I am here to tell you that more times than not YOUR idea of what your life should be and what the Lord WANTS your life to be are two totally different things. It requires total trust or blind faith that the creator of the universe KNOWS better than you do. He has known since the beginning of time ALL that IS happening or is going to happen. He loves us more than we can even imagine and wants nothing more than to show us that love.
So I guess we're back to the question of blind faith. Do you trust Him with your life, with your kids, with everything? I'd be lying if I said I find it "easy". It's not easy. It's giving up yourself, even giving up your desires....dying to yourself. Man,why IS that so hard? I may never know but in the meantime...I will continue to trust that HE knows what's best for me,for my family,for my life. I will strive to step back and let Him wrap His arms around whatever concerns me. I will continue to desire His will and not my own. For me to do ANY of this I will need for Him to be bigger than me. Pray for me and I will pray for you..because as I see it, relenquishment of MY will and blind faith is the hardest part. And that's what I've learned along the way.
It is so easy to get caught up in the "I can fix it" mode. I am so guilty of trying to take the reins and circle the wagons and hunker down for the rough weather coming but in reality I am pulling myself away from the One who ordained that day, my life and the situation. The older I get I also find that I can cause myself to feel more desperate if things don't start changing.Desperation is a dangerous thing. I think that at times it allows you to feel alot more important than you are. As if you could move heaven and earth to accomplish what YOU think is right. For years I havc presumed that I could handle things better than the Lord could. I swooped in over and over "saving" my children from things the Lord needed to teach them. Always thinking it was the right thing to do because I'd "been through" things and had the experience to teach them.Sadly that is not how life works. Instead the Lord gently and lovingly allows us to fall, stumble, sink and sometimes wallow in the mess we've made so the the NEED for Him will be more powerful. I can remember the night the boys were born, Josh woke me up to tell me Anna's water had broken.I leapt out of bed and went into "I am here to save the day" mode. Tragically my "save the day" skills were less than effective.We were put in a place of TOTAL reliance on the Lord. In other words...blind faith.For the next 9 hours we waited and prayed and begged the Lord to make this have a wonderful outcome.In reality...the boys were too weak to survive all they had been through.So again we were put in a place of blind faith.The day we buried the boys is and will probably always be a blur. I remember making sure the kids were ok, that everyone got fed, bills were paid, the house kept running...and so on and so on. My initial instinct was to lay down,curl up in a fetal position and wait for life to get better. I am SO glad I didn't do that. If I had chosen that I would have missed all the things the Lord had for me to learn. I would have sheltered the kids from the unmeasurable mercy they got to experience.
Sometimes my heart hurt so badly I could barely breath...but I DID keep breathing. I felt a peace I couldn't explain. Sometimes the agony on Anna and Josh's faces was so unbearable that I wanted to scream...but I didn't.The Holy Spirit eeked out the words I couldn't find to pray for those kids.Sometimes Paul and I would fall apart at the drop of a hat. The pain in our chest was so heavy that we felt we couldn't take a breathe without breaking....but we DID breathe and made it to the next day.
There have been so many times in THIS year alone that have required ONLY blind faith. Am I good at it? No. Not always. Usually not, in fact I still find myself thinking "ok...here we go again. What do I need to do to fix this?". I am so thankful that I have a loving heavenly Father that prods me to lean on Him...not just a little but to fall helplessly into His arms...for when I am THAT weak...HE is so very strong and I am so very pliable.
I love the song "Potter's Hands". The songs speaks of the Lord "taking, using and molding" us into ALL He needs us to be. He never calls us to be what WE want to be. He already KNOWS what we are capable of being. He created us! We can only be pliable when we are submissive to His will and NOT our own. It's funny to me how in my mind I have an idea or dream of what and how my life ought to be. I am here to tell you that more times than not YOUR idea of what your life should be and what the Lord WANTS your life to be are two totally different things. It requires total trust or blind faith that the creator of the universe KNOWS better than you do. He has known since the beginning of time ALL that IS happening or is going to happen. He loves us more than we can even imagine and wants nothing more than to show us that love.
So I guess we're back to the question of blind faith. Do you trust Him with your life, with your kids, with everything? I'd be lying if I said I find it "easy". It's not easy. It's giving up yourself, even giving up your desires....dying to yourself. Man,why IS that so hard? I may never know but in the meantime...I will continue to trust that HE knows what's best for me,for my family,for my life. I will strive to step back and let Him wrap His arms around whatever concerns me. I will continue to desire His will and not my own. For me to do ANY of this I will need for Him to be bigger than me. Pray for me and I will pray for you..because as I see it, relenquishment of MY will and blind faith is the hardest part. And that's what I've learned along the way.
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