"Down At Your Feet, Oh Lord..."

I remember when my kids were young and they would get hurt. That is a terrible feeling. As a parent you want fix things. Back then I could do that with a bandaid and a kiss. Not only were they satisfied but the feeling of being able to make their world better, as only YOU could was remarkable. In their little heads you were like a rock star. Those were the days. What made me think of this on this evening? Well, tonite my heart is hurting and aching far beyond anything I could have imagined when they were young and "fixing" things for them was so easy.
   Over the past year our family has struggled alot. No, struggle is not unique to just us but the things that took place were somewhat uniquely devastating.A personal struggle for me is letting go. I'm not good at it. In fact...I stink at it. In past postings I have shared that the Lord quite often deals with me through the use of my kids and once again there is a lesson for me to learn. Hard-headedness is not a good trait but I am known for it. I struggle daily with relenqishment. Why is that? Is my faith that weak, my trust in Him that small? What is it?
   When I was growing up I would go to my dad with a concern and his first respomse to me was first and always..."Have you been spending enough time with the Lord Lou?" (that was his nickname for me from childhood due to a short haircut that went awry...long story) Why did he always ask me that? It used to frustrate me that he would'nt just tell me the answer I wanted to hear to the problem I was having. He didn't do that tho...instead he pointed me to THE answer. It wasn't a "quick fix"...it was a lifestyle. A lifestyle that to this day I struggle with daily. There are days I am certain I can handle far better than the Lord. Laughable when you consider that He created the day and KNOWS what is holds.
   But tonite, I am back at that place where I need to seek THE answer not what I want the answer to be. I can't change things I don't hand over to the Lord. You would think that at age 53 this would be no great revelation...but as I said earlier I am working hard at relenquishment. A daily exercise that HAS to include me at my Savior's feet RELENQUISHING all that concerns me. So tonight, tho my heart is heavy, I will once again attempt to lay it all at His feet...because afterall...He KNOWS the end of the story. I am just a part of it.And that's what I've learned along the way.

Why Am I Here?

Been doing alot of thinking lately.It's a dangerous thing for me.Sometimes my mind ponders so many things that it is hard to put my thoughts to words.I'm not one of those people that make snap decisions about anything. Instead I think and I think and I think. Clark started that at a very young age and I remember wondering why he was like that.....hmmm, guess the apple doesn't fall far from that tree. Anyway, there's been alot going on in our home. Some good and some not so good. Our granddaughter makes the sun shine a little brighter and my step a little lighter. I feel so very blessed to have this time with her at such a young age. She is such a treasure, But I also know this is a very crucial time with her. As the mother of grown children I have come to realize that there are many times when your kids are young that you literally waste valuable time that should be spent teaching them valuable life lessons.There are many things I would do over if given the chance. For example: I would do a better job at teaching them to love others as Christ does. Not to judge but to see the best in others. I would be more diligent in teaching them to be kinder to others. You never know what people are going through. You never know what hurts they have.Bottom line...you never know. I would take more time TEACHING them to be respectful, to be considerate, to be more loving to the people that are hard to love. I'd do better teaching  them that the way people dress has no bearing on who they are. I'd spend more time teaching them that EVERY detail of our life is important to God.I'd work harder at teaching them that they should respect themselves beacuse they belong to Him. They are precious masterpeices.I would teach them earlier to start praying at a young age for the mate the Lord has for them. He created us and is concerned about all that concerns us.I'd make sure they were watching when Paul and I were kidding with each other and enjoying each other's company. I would be more vocal about how much I love their father and how much he sacrifices everyday to take care of us.I would teach them to think more about others than they think about themselves. I would teach them to be wiser than I was with money.I would teach them to give more freely and expect nothing but God's blessings for doing it. My list goes on and on as you can see. But the bottom line is this...I don't get any "do-overs".All those days and hours I wasted are gone. All that time I didn't think I had to spend with them back then is lost. Are you wondering what my point is? Well, here it is.God is not a god of coincidence. He is a god of purpose. He has a purpose for me and for you. Before the beginning of time He ordained it that I would be the mother of Clark, Anna and Laura. He knew there would be things I succeeded at and things I would need to work on. He knew my failures and rejoiced when His plan was accomplished through me for Him. He wanted me to do a better job at teaching these things better than I did. He thought I was the best person for the job.All that to say, don't waste your days, your hours, your minutes. Ask the Lord to show you what His purpose is for you, not only with your kids but with your life. Where does He need you to be and what does He want you to do? Don't make the mistakes I've made and look back wishing you could have some "do-overs" with your children or all the important people in your life. Time is a precious commodity and we never put the value on it that it should have.The only true "do-overs" we will ever get are the second, third and fourth chances the Lord gives us everyday.That is nothing more than His grace. And THAT my friend is what I've learned along the way...take it for what it's worth.