In just a few short days we will come to somewhat of a "milestone" here.We will arrive at the date the twins SHOULD have been born. For most everyone else in the world it will be just another day. Not so much for us. It will be a day of sadness. We have been slowly trudging through the past 4 1/2 months. We laugh,we smile and most people probably think we are back to "normal".(Highly overrated state of mind) Normal will never be the same. As anyone who's ever lost a loved one you know that you enter a "new kind of normal". Although we had the boys for only 9 or so hours they changed our lives forever. We choose to look for the blessings in their dying. Some days that is VERY hard to see. On other days it is blatantly obvious.
There will never be a more sobering memory for me than watching my daughter dress her babies to be buried. As she hugged and kissed them and handled them with the most gentle of care I held onto the TRUTH that this DOES NOT end HERE. My grandsons are resting peacefully in the arms of my Lord. I will see them again someday. And as silly as it sounds I am praying the Lord will see fit to have a very comfy rocker at the pearly gates for me to sit in for JUST a moment. I want those two boys to climb up in my lap and let me rock them for just a few minutes. I want to look at their faces and hug and kiss them. I want to sing to them and get down on the floor and play with them. I want to play with play-doh and ride bikes. I want to walk them on the beach (I know there HAS to be a beach in Heaven) and find shells and smell the ocean and watch them play in the sand.
Silly to you? That's ok. I've always been used to being thought of as a bit crazy. Still in all of this my Lord has proven faithful. He will get us through Anna's due date. And then He will get us through the next few months and years and time will go on and WE WILL BE OKAY. There will always be a place in our hearts for Tate and Liam. There will always be a sadness that they are not here to live life with us. But there will never be a doubt that the Lord will be glorified through their death.
So, as I close out this post I am hoping that SOMEONE reading it will see our hope. They will see how the Lord does allow life to "go on". They will see how maybe just maybe He can do the same for them. So for now...that's what I've learned along the way.
Well said. I can't imagine how hard the next few days will be for all of you. Know that you are all in our prayers. God is being glorified with Tate and Liam's story!
ReplyDeleteLove,
Kelly
I will be praying for you in the upcoming days. I do want however, to offer a different perspective on one point: yes, you only physically held them for a short time, but for others on the outside reading your FB posts, for me at least, it gave me a new understanding of how David says the LORD KNEW him when he was yet in his mother's womb. You LOVED those boys when they were in the womb; you knew them! I recall your posts of their antics during an ultrasound. How precious, I recall thinking, that once again, God has used a human experience to give greater understanding to the mystery and truth of His Word. Yes, sorrow faces us on all fronts of this life. But, YES! God remains faithful to the hearts and arms that longed to hold the little ones just a bit longer but must trust and wait to continue with that in glory and in His presence~~and I do believe Heaven's rocker will be so spectacular you'll say, "why didnt we think of this design?"; as well as to the hearts that never had to chance to even dream of that as a possibility. God alone can be our comforter. We must trust His wisdom and know that HE knows our hearts desires and our needs. And, some days that is just easier than others. But, again, HE REMAINS FAITHFUL!!!!
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing your heart,Kerry!