I remember when my kids were young and they would get hurt. That is a terrible feeling. As a parent you want fix things. Back then I could do that with a bandaid and a kiss. Not only were they satisfied but the feeling of being able to make their world better, as only YOU could was remarkable. In their little heads you were like a rock star. Those were the days. What made me think of this on this evening? Well, tonite my heart is hurting and aching far beyond anything I could have imagined when they were young and "fixing" things for them was so easy.
Over the past year our family has struggled alot. No, struggle is not unique to just us but the things that took place were somewhat uniquely devastating.A personal struggle for me is letting go. I'm not good at it. In fact...I stink at it. In past postings I have shared that the Lord quite often deals with me through the use of my kids and once again there is a lesson for me to learn. Hard-headedness is not a good trait but I am known for it. I struggle daily with relenqishment. Why is that? Is my faith that weak, my trust in Him that small? What is it?
When I was growing up I would go to my dad with a concern and his first respomse to me was first and always..."Have you been spending enough time with the Lord Lou?" (that was his nickname for me from childhood due to a short haircut that went awry...long story) Why did he always ask me that? It used to frustrate me that he would'nt just tell me the answer I wanted to hear to the problem I was having. He didn't do that tho...instead he pointed me to THE answer. It wasn't a "quick fix"...it was a lifestyle. A lifestyle that to this day I struggle with daily. There are days I am certain I can handle far better than the Lord. Laughable when you consider that He created the day and KNOWS what is holds.
But tonite, I am back at that place where I need to seek THE answer not what I want the answer to be. I can't change things I don't hand over to the Lord. You would think that at age 53 this would be no great revelation...but as I said earlier I am working hard at relenquishment. A daily exercise that HAS to include me at my Savior's feet RELENQUISHING all that concerns me. So tonight, tho my heart is heavy, I will once again attempt to lay it all at His feet...because afterall...He KNOWS the end of the story. I am just a part of it.And that's what I've learned along the way.
