I went home this weekend to spend some time with our family. I often comment about the fact that I am always surprised when at age 53 I still get homesick. Homesick for the sights, smells and sounds of the home I grew up in. I long to walk in the door and see my daddy sitting in "his" chair, socks off, feet crossed, catching up on the latest Cardinal stats. A walk in the door is welcomed with "Greetings sports fans!".Yep, that's exactly what he says. Momma is seated on the blue sofa, because most of her house is blue. She likes blue...bottom line. Her house has always been pristine (I did NOT get that gene). Everything perfectly placed and polished yet so very welcoming. My home was often the hangout for many kids over the years.Anyway...momma's on the sofa working her "WORD JUMBLE" in the paper. Her glasses are slidden slightly down her nose and her well worn dictionary is sitting close by. She often has a blue throw over her lap. Unlike me...momma is cold all the time. She's a wonderful sight for my eyes. When I walk into this house after 40-something years I AM HOME. I sometimes forget I'm a grown adult with my own kids and grandchildren. I am transported back to 9th grade when we moved into this house.
   I often wonder why this place is so comforting for me. As most of you know, life here at the Bruce's has been anything but boring since September of 2009. That is when we found out that Lyric would be making an appearance in December. I will be honest in saying it was a shock and surprise and a wonderful blessing all in one. So we waitied for the blessed event. During our "wait" Anna and Josh got engaged. That was something to celebrate as well! A date was set and plans started to evolve. The first weekend of December Anna woke me in the early hours. She needed to talk. Looking back, the Lord prepared me for that very early morning "talk". He had prepared me 4 months earlier. Anna and Josh were expecting a child as well. Again...shock and surprise and a wonderful blessing all in one. I would be lying if I told you everything was "fine". (I hate that word) Paul and I were somewhat disoriented in dealing with this "New" normal we found ourselves in.These things didn't happen to "people like us". When I see that in print I actually laugh out loud. What I was quickly coming to realize is that NO ONE is immune to what the world has out there. We were trying hard to figure out how to navigate our way through so many emotions.There was only one way to survive and that was going to require all the faith we could muster.
   And...we WERE fine. Isabella Lyric was born on December 23, 2009. I know for a fact that all of Heaven rejoiced at the birth of this baby. She was planned from the beginning of time. So we did as well. Life with Lyric started becoming more familiar and joyful. We soon began planning Josh and Anna's wedding. It had originally been scheduled for July 3rd of 2010.Due to the situation at hand we moved it to January 23,2010. We hit the ground running. Trying to find the place, the decorations, dresses and everything else that comes with a wedding. Looking back on it we pulled off a beautiful wedding. It was a celebration. A celebration of two people that loved each other with their whole hearts. It was a celebration of two people that were meant for each other since the beginning of time. God had ordained the union of Josh and Anna. I believe that to this day. What they were about to go through would test everything they believed in. It would test the whole family.
   As the weeks went by excitement grew as we found out there were 2 babies instead of one. They were immediately named and we watched with anticipation as Anna grew larger and larger. But it was not meant to be...at least here on earth. April 9th started as any other day would. In fact a trip to the doctor confirmed that all was well with the boys. Up to this point we were pretty sure that we had been through and survived the very worst. Surely we would not be put through anything else. I'm not sure why we thought that. We are no different than anyone else that has been through tragic events. So as most of you know the end of this story, Anna and Josh lost tate and Liam. We all lost Tate and Liam. We lost more than just the boys physically, we lost hopes and dreams and birthdays and milestones. Anna and Josh left the hospital empty handed. NOW we would begin the hardest journey ever. Just how strong was our faith?
   Back to my home is St. Louis. As I stood at the kitchen counter with my dad helping me cut  fruit, I felt an overwhelming sadness.I wanted answers. This was the place and the people I had always come to for answers, prayers and encouragement. I wanted someone to explain to me why all of this had to happen. This wasn't ever how I saw our lives playing out. It had been  4 & 1/2 months since the boys died. Paul and I had been so busy making sure that they were ok and that Clark and Laura were surviving that we somewhat forgot to grieve. THAT has started now for me. There is a heaviness I can't explain that often overtakes me.There is a longing to see the boys that I can't explain. There are so many unanswered questions. I wanted answers.
   I looked at my dad (the man who knows EVERYTHING. I know that for a fact.). "Dad, I'm really trying to figure out what the Lord is trying to teach me through all of this. I'm not feeling so strong lately tho everyone around me thinks I am. I feel certain they would laugh if they knew how weak I really am."  I began to cry somewhat uncontrollably (the ugly cry). Daddy looked across at me and said these words, "Lou, have you ever stopped to think that perhaps it isn't necessarily what God wants to teach you as much as how much Satan would like to destroy you?" Wow...no, that had not occured to me at all. Dad went on. "Lou, you have a strong faith. It's what's gotten you through everything. You're still standing. You always present an upbeat front. That's not you Lou...that's the Lord. HE is who your strength is. That doesn't sit well with Satan. He'd like nothing better than to see you and Paul fall flat on your faces. He'd love to see you renounce the Lord and be angry that the Lord dealt you this awful hand." THIS, friends is why I go home. Every once in a while I need good, old fashioned pure truth spoken to me. I need (even at 53) my dad standing across the counter from me speaking wisdom with a pure heart. I have been blessed beyond measure through the years by and through the wisdom of this Godly man. He has loved me when I was not worth loving. He has stood beside when I know it went against his own convictions. He has NEVER changed. Much like my heavenly father. My heavenly Father that died on a cross for me so that I COULD survive life and tell people that HE is my reason for hoping, loving,believing and surviving. I can't really explain it but I feel as tho the weight of the world has been lifted off my shoulders. I refuse to let Satan have that hold on me. My grandsons are with their Heavenly Father. I have no doubt that I will see them someday.  Lyric is the icing on this proverbial cake for us. She is proof that God didn't leave us empty-handed. He left us blessed. Very blessed.He continues to bless us in so many ways. He never leaves us and on those days when I'm just not sure I can go on...I will rest IN Him.So Lord, I'm tired and I know that you know how many hairs are on my head and care enough to count them. I also know you WANT my sorrow and my grief and my confusion. So here it is Lord. Here I am, Lord.
   He's willing and waiting to do that for you as well friend. All I can say at this point is.."Get thee behind me, Satan. I have some praising to do and YOU ARE IN THE WAY!"
   So my trip back home was well worth it. Home usually is....and That's what I've learned along the way...


p.s. Daddy, you are one of the best treasures God ever gave me. You are so very loved!